Hello everyone it’s been a while I was here sorry about that nursing training college is taking all my time but today I was sitting quietly thinking about my life and I decided to write about my year .
Most who know me know that I don’t celebrate Christmas and it’s other celebrations and so I don’t see all the fuss about it anyway but that’s not why I am writing this but I am writing to remind myself from where I am coming from and where I am going and I believe documenting everything down will help me when the going gets tough as I am sure it will.
2018 has been a roller coaster year for me with highs,ups, lows and downs .
I started 2018 feeling very lost sad miserable angry hurt and without hope thinking my life is nothing to write home about .
After 10 long years of suffering and going from doctor to doctor I was finally diagnosed with was has been wrong with me and guess what it’s pcos (polycystic ovarian syndrome) it was a bittersweet moment for me because finally it wasn’t all in my mind , I wasn’t crazy and finally I wasn’t useless or worthless but with every new phase of life comes changes and how to live with the changes.
I had to deal with my diagnosis and between last year December and February of this year wasn’t a pretty time of my life I had to go through all the stages to accept my diagnosis and what I remember holding unto the most was my anger (ooh dear I was in a pissing mood and I was always ready for a fight and to take out my anger on anyone who dare crossed me) .
Although I was in this mood I didn’t come out all by myself i remember the many sleepless nights I had crying and praying to my God jehovah to help me pass through this and even though I didn’t know it but jehovah was healing me gradually and looking back now I remember taking one step and one day at a time and the work I had to put in , I had to work through this feelings and all that was happening to me to be able to accept my diagnosis and manage it well for my own sake( I am one of those people who believe in accepting things and moving on in life I don’t do denial well ) so you can imagine when I got to my denial stage I felt totally lost.
Gradually I got to the acceptance stage and after all the time feeling like screaming to get all the hurt out of me and lassing out at everyone and feeling angry all the time I woke up one day with a new found determination I told myself
I had PCOS SO WHAT ??
I had DIABETES SO WHAT??
my life has not ended just as I made a vow to myself when I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 22 to live a fulfilling life and to live as normal as I can I that is what I was going to do now and one thing I knew will help me was to read and learn more about my conditionsand how to manage them together.
They say knowledge is power and information helps us make good decisions indeed.
I was motivated to help myself and others now I knew why I got extremely sad on some days why I was depressed or felt anxious and why I had hair on my face , why my hair was always thin and breaking , why I got pains unannounced , why I got extremely tired certain days and I was very hyper active on other days and I had to live with all of these and more.
I decided understanding was goes on in my body will help me and it did and all that reading and learning helped me greatly .
So far I have talked about the bittersweet moments but 2018 I had some wonderful amazing time and I have met wonderful people who I know have my back no matter what happens and to those people they know themselves because I will be sending me a link to this article I say thank you very much I couldnt have kept my sanity to the end of this year without you all and may jehovah continue to bless you for being a blessing in my life I couldnt have managed my pcos and diabetes with out you thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you to the moon and back.
Watch out for the joys of my year in perspective cause there are more…..